Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I Cut Off my Beard this Morning.

Tom's Journal.

I decided today that I would TRY to do some self improvement and get on with my life, even after the stressful last few days. I still have anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and crap like a separation really kicks a combat Vet's PTSD in the ass as he can't help but go into the 'defensive mode.' Believe it or not [and I am a near expert with my own medical/ emotional challenges--situations] this sort of thing [separation and divorce] rank very high on the heat attack/ stroke list! I have trouble catching my breath even walking across the room and letting the dog outside-- even just sitting down watching TV.

It may seem like I was bashing all women hood these past few posts, but it's all deja-vu for me, and no man likes surprises that wreck his home life, miserable as it may be, without love, relations, or even TLC. Veterans need lots of hugs! Too, Satan is really tempting me big time, and I was always a sucker for the ladies. I realize that sometimes legal separation is neccessay, but it also puts the other spouse in line for adultery! I remember a few times going into a emotional crying fit after some girl treated me like a human being and accepting me for what and whom I am! Yes, combat Vets cry, hurt and bleed red blood too. We hold so much back and hide things that they just build up-- and then we get 'caught off guard' by some kind act of tenderness and break down in tears. Some Vets try like hell to suppress these emotions by using booze and drugs-- but that isn't healthy either. And to think that we highly trained, specialists and professional killers strutted like Peacocks when we were age 19 and half around the world in a hot, humid jungle or bush.

I got up and decided to shave off my full beard and get a haircut,breakfast, deli- food and cruise around the big city in my big nasty Ram truck... so comfortable to ride. If I have to live by myself-- I will go out more often to visit and meet people, so as not to get stagnant or live like a hermit or a monk.. lol. I like people!

But here is a question that I heard while in the barber shop with all the cronies and 'wise men'... They told me that in the last 10 days some rumor about a super high tax on gun ammo started a 'run' on ammunition [bullets], and I don't know if it's just Wisconsin or the entire USA. Can someone help me get the facts straight, please?? I went to Farm 'n Fleet where ammo was usually cheap, and DARN-- the shelves were all but cleaned out !! All the heavy calibers of pistol ammo were gone with only some .22 shells and shotgun shells left ! Wow! I knew some B.S. like this could happen after the 'monkey' got into office in D.C. I can't stand that joker's lies and deceptions!! You see-- a gun is worthless without ammunition... duh. And at a time when there will be civil unrest around the corner after Americans finally 'figure out' how bad they were cheated, ripped off and over taxed by Obama's new lies and schemes, we will need the right to bear arms to defend hearth and home. AS I said before, Mexico is on the edge of collapse with millions of illegals ready to run over our borders [no fence, remember the Dems, and even Sen. McCain, whom I voted for--dropping the ball for border fencing?]. Glenn Beck just noted that California has 3 million illegal aliens sucking the public tit and bankrupting that State right now! Hello. Sorry to get so political when I have enough worries of my own...

I am spending a lot more time with the dog these days, but even he is in mourning and blue. I throw a rubber 3rd world chicken at him that squeaks, but he doesn't feel much like playing a game, and he doesn't eat much either.
Why is it that some folks act so selfishly by wanting their own greedy, independent ways, going against the husband and God, like Eve, or Lots's wife? I well know that many men are selfish too and have abused their headship and wives, to their shame.
Back to the Bible, eh?
Have a good, restful night of deep sleep. It's times like this when the wickedness of the corrupt world of Satan-- make you wish that Jesus would take you home --in your sleep... nice and peaceful.

email me: tschuckman@aol.com


Paula said...

Good luck with your self improvement.

sober white women said...

I am so sorry that I have not been around much. I did read back and I and now I am up to speed.
So how do you like your new look? I can't picture hubby with no hair on his face I must say that I love it.

Lynne said...

With each day behind you, is one day closer to healing. Hang in there, you're getting closer to a healthier place.

Lou said...

You sound better today (or was that yesterday). Anyway, a new look always lifts my spirits.