Here it is, 5:52 in the afternoon and it's dark out side... Ha! I miss the great Summer we had already.
Many years ago, I was advised to read a multitude of special books about how the mind is 'triggered' to summon up thoughts, times and events related to Combat PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder]. Something as innocent as a scent, smell, or certain noise/ sound could trigger a major event that blew up/ lighted up your world long ago! And these things catch combat Vets off guard so that we sometimes embarrass ourselves in public, like quickly seeking cover from gun fire, getting into a defensive posture or looking for our weapon... But most of the time it's all going down inside our brains, just as the inner ticking's and clicks of our home computer. Sometimes we Vet's curse or cry or pray that this 'Disorder' would just leave us and not come back! Once in a blue moon some troubled Veteran goes over the top and shoots a few people or himself [more likely] and then the 'News Media' gets a hold of it and slaps a broad, general label on ALL OF US, making us out to be certified 'CRAZY', and then we have a 'bad name' forever. When a news media person gets stopped for DUI or something, I rejoice [in my wicked heart] to see them brought to justice -- for just a little 'pay back.' And some day [and I hope soon] there will be a big 'back lash' in the U.S. for all THEIR crimes!
I know that I have been repressing certain things that I want to keep 'under wraps.' I just figured that the reason was, when I finally came home in 1970, I had dreamed of meeting the right lady to start my own family and settle down. But to do that, I had to present myself as a 'normal', level headed guy with good humor. Why these intrusive thoughts just pop into my head and then vanish--bedevils me!
I wanted to talk about THANKSGIVING... hello Terrible Tom~! My concentration is way these days and that frustrates me too. But it I wanted to take a vacation -- I would NEVER travel at this time of year... lol. OK -- Thanksgiving.... Go for it!
Well, something I read or heard reminded me of a Thanksgiving scene long ago when I was in grade scho0l, by my Grand parents' house in Milwaukee near Lake Michigan. My goofy city cousin, Scott Erner and I went out side to play 'catch' with a hard ball, and he thew a fast 'pitch ball' to show off and it hit me square in the mouth, so that I couldn't even enjoy the great feast Grandma prepared that day [and she was a great cook trained in the Old Country of Hungary [although she was German by birth]. A few years latter that tooth became abscessed and I passed out from the pain in the waiting room of the doctor. The doctor and nurses came out to help me and he balled out my mom for not taking me to a dentist and getting help for me sooner! And then I had a 'root canal' --and finally had to have that upper front "show tooth" extracted in the Army, at age 19, while in Aviation school at Ft. Rucker, AL, in late 1967. But here is the kicker-- my mom doesn't even remember that initial event-- that day!! Even at that Thanksgiving dinner table where my Aunt Lucile [the wicked witch of the West.. always hurting feelings and picking on everyone...lol] reprimanded her son, Scott, for showing off and throwing that hard ball so hard and at my face... Ha! Ouch!
I know that many will try to say that mom is growing too old to remember that stuff... but then again, the doctors in America just love to keep their patients doped up and under tons of medication... and even I get spacey from meds and dislike that side effect.
I just wondered what 'triggered' that thought and event from the past...
Who else has memories like mine ?? Comment?
I know, and have confidence that this year's Thanksgiving will be great-- and it always it! Sharon is a great cook and I help her out in special big events-- even if no body shows up. My nephew, Steve Schuckman, son of my brother, Albert, just called me to say that he already has a commitment to be at his in-laws on Thanksgiving.
That's OK, I just didn't want him to be alone on that day as my brother flies the coop for other places when he has a day off... and I like company too.
On a sad note, it seems like my wife's illness is progressively getting worse, as predicted and is the nature of the beast. SARCOIDOSIS is a killer disease that, unfortunately, many doctors never heard of. Sarcoidosis tears up and consumes the soft tissue in the lungs and other vital organs, and make the person tired, pained and depressed before an early death.
I have come to love my wife and depend on her house work, cooking, etc., and I am NO Saint and hard to live with... that I know. I regret saying anything harsh and judgmental about Sharon. Please forgive me.
Nursing homes are a terrible nightmare for me [as I remember my Grandpa being forced to live in one --and that smell of human excrement all the time] and I would rather just die peacefully in my own house that I bought before I met Sharon. I can only afford to hire a cleaning lady once a month for $100, and she is a great woman from Racine named Suzanne! Now I am worried about myself as I can hardly walk and just bought a power scooter out of my own pocket, not wanting to fight with the VA for years to get their cheap junk model brand. I guess I will sit down with my wife and write out a list of things that we can agree on to do on a regular basis.
Satan uses things like arguing and division in the family to 'get to' the hearts and minds of believers so that they leave Christ! If the devil can fracture more marriages-- he can succeed in tearing down our moral fabric and that is one reason that our country is falling apart! Heck, we already know that he has pretty much done that if the nation voted in a man who loves abortion and the Gay agenda.. Ha! And watch out for Obama's new 'brown shirts' -- 'Youth Corps !
Thanks for putting up with my tirade and venting today. I promise everyone that I will try to be HAPPY for a while.
So, I realize that I will soon have to take over more work even as I can barely walk [it's my back and knees mostly-- and the VA wants to give me a 'bionic knee' -but I refuse to do that after hearing my friends tell me the truth about that surgery and consequences . If this post sounds gloomy, please remember that: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD! 'Resist the devil and he will flee from you.' ~ James 4:7.
I just need to try harder and apply Proverbs 3:5.
The turkey is thawing out on the kitchen table. Woo Hoo! I will help with the cooking --if she lets me.
PS Our turkey and all the trimmings came out PERFECT and my wife is an expert cook!! I could only eat one helping and I was full! Thank you, Sharon, for all your hard work and prep!
I've posted a rebuttal to a comment made in my entry about Obama's Youth Corps. This is the first rebuttal I've done since being drop-kicked by AOL over to Blogger!
Thanks for reading!
Great Post !!